Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
