end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
