so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
