did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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