Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
