I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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