It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
