I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
