Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
