My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
