I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
