eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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