I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
