Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
