when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
