dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
