i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
