Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
