Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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