thus making me awesome and them whores
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
