Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
