Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
