Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
