I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
