I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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