I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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