that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
