The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
