i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
