Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
