Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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