put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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