i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
