she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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