you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
