I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
