hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize