I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
