So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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