You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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