fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
