dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
