I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
