just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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