Screwed.edu
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
