It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
