Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
