I'm drive I can fine osifer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
