i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
