I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
