After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
