Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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