the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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