he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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