I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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