My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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