After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
