Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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