the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
