While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well you can't waste a boner
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
