is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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