in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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