you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
