i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
