Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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