I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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