I'm going to jail i love you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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