I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
