Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
