I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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