you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
