I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize