i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
