you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
