If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
