remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
