I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
