I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
